When my only son, Luke, was murdered, my world shattered. There were days when I didn’t want to get out of bed. Days when the pain was so overwhelming that I didn’t want to live anymore. How could I possibly find hope when life feels unbearable and my precious son was gone?
But I knew something, and that changed everything.
This world is not my eternal home.
When I became a Christian, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I believe he died on the cross for my sins and rose again, offering me forgiveness and the promise of eternal life. And when I accepted him, God gave me the Holy Spirit to live within me. I didn’t fully understand then how desperately I would someday need his strength.
But God knew.
When Luke was murdered, I had a choice about where I would direct my thoughts.
I could spend every waking moment thinking about everything I’d lost, everything that had been taken from me, and everything I would never experience with my son again. And believe me, those thoughts came. They still do. But I learned that when I allowed my circumstances to consume my thoughts, the darkness seemed to grow even deeper.
So I kept turning my attention back to Jesus.
Not because my grief disappeared. Not because I suddenly understood why Luke had been murdered. But because I knew that what I was experiencing, no matter how unbearable it seemed, was not the end of my story. Or Luke’s.
Finding Joy in the Most Unlikely Places
The apostle Paul understood something about suffering that has always fascinated me.
While imprisoned for preaching the gospel, Paul wrote a letter to the Christians in Philippi. Imagine that. He was confined, uncertain about his future, and facing the possibility of death. Yet his letter was filled with joy. Why?
Because Paul wasn’t measuring his life by the circumstances surrounding him; he was looking at what God was accomplishing through him.
In Philippians 1:12–14, Paul explained that his imprisonment had actually helped advance the gospel. His circumstances had given him opportunities to share Jesus with people who might otherwise never have heard about him. And his courage also encouraged other believers to speak God’s word more boldly.
Paul could have focused on his chains. Instead, he focused on Christ. And then he wrote these extraordinary words: “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21).
Think about what that means. Paul knew that if he continued living, he could keep serving Jesus and sharing the gospel. But if he died, he would be with Christ. Either way, his future was secure.
Finding Hope When Life Feels Unbearable
I understand Paul’s words differently now than I would have before losing Luke. There was a time when I thought my happiness depended on the people I loved being safe, healthy, and close to me.
Losing my first husband was difficult. And I certainly never imagined someone would murder my only child. But those things happened. And I couldn’t change them.
What I could do was decide whether to let those tragedies consume the rest of my life.
I knew Luke was with Jesus. And because of God’s promise of eternal life, I knew that someday I would see my son again. That hope didn’t eliminate the pain of missing him. But it gave me a reason to keep going.
I wasn’t living only for the life I had lost. I was living for the eternity God had promised me.
As I kept turning my thoughts toward Jesus, something wonderful began to happen. I started finding joy again. I began noticing the beauty of God’s creation. I traveled, explored, laughed, and discovered that life still held extraordinary blessings.
And God began opening doors I never could have imagined. One of those doors eventually led me into prisons, where I could share Jesus’s love with the very man who murdered my son—and with others I met along the way.
What began as the greatest tragedy of my life became an opportunity to share the hope of Jesus with people who might never have heard my story otherwise. Not because God needed Luke to die to accomplish something good. But because God can bring good even out of the evil choices people make.
To Live Is Christ
When Paul wrote that living meant Christ and dying meant gain, he wasn’t saying life had no value. Quite the opposite. He understood that every day he remained alive was another opportunity to serve Jesus.
And that’s how I want to live.
I don’t know how many more years God will give me. But I know what I want to do with them. I want to love people the way Jesus loves them. I want to forgive as he forgives.
I want to share his grace with people who believe they’re beyond forgiveness. I want to find joy in the extraordinary world he created. And I want people to see something different in me—not because I’m special, but because Jesus lives in me.
Someday, my earthly life will end. And when it does, I’ll be welcomed into the presence of the Savior who carried me through my darkest days. I’ll see Luke again. And the suffering of this world will be behind me.
But until that day comes, I have a life to live—a purpose to fulfill and people to love.
My circumstances may change, but my eternal destination never will.
When I need to find hope when life feels unbearable, I remind myself that what I see around me is temporary. But the promises of God are eternal. And that’s where I choose to fix my eyes.
Not on everything this world has taken from me. But on everything Jesus has promised me.
When life’s circumstances feel overwhelming, what helps you turn your attention from your troubles to the eternal hope Jesus offers?
