“I Love You!” 3 little profound words, but more important than anything you will ever realize.
What if your dad never said, “I love you?” Would you feel unworthy of love?
When my son was nineteen years old, he got involved with very dangerous people. One night, he went to a bad part of town. He didn’t know that he would never walk away from the very spot where he met this stranger. Earlier that night, he called me and said, “I love you.” I told him, “I love you, too.” Those were the last words we ever spoke to each other. He was murdered a few hours later.
I was 46 years old and never heard my dad say, “I love you!”
My son passed away when I was 46 years old. But because God willingly sacrificed his own son, Jesus, to show his love for me, I know my son is in heaven since he became a Christian when he was only 7 years old. I had to unwillingly watch my son die, and through that, God showed me my earthly father’s love.
Up to this point in my life, I had not heard the words “I love you” spoken to me by my dad. While at my son’s funeral, I walked over to my dad and mustered up the courage to tell him how I felt, “You know, dad, I have never once heard you tell me that you love me. It really hurts not to hear those words from you. I hope that you can someday tell me before it is too late. I love you, dad.” I blindly walked away from my dad, with my tears clouding my vision.
How my dad almost killed me.
About 3 days later, I was out in my driveway, and my dad pulled in. He said a few inconsequential things to me but what he said next turned my knees to jelly. He was getting ready to leave, and after starting the truck, he looked right at me and said, “I love you,” and then he quickly pulled out of my driveway. I almost fell to the ground when my heart started pumping too hard. That was the best gift my dad has ever given me!
Finally, after 46 years, I heard the most precious 3 words that anyone can say to someone they love. I will never forget that moment.
A few weeks later, my sister called me and told me that she almost wrecked her car. I asked her what happened, and she said that dad called her and told her that he loved her. He also started telling my mom. Those 3 words changed all of our lives. Our relationships improved, and we connected on a deeper level.
Imagine if my son wouldn’t have called me before he died. I would have a very different last memory of him.
Having the last words “I love you” said by someone who has passed on in the most important memory. A memory you will treasure forever.
It is equally important for us to tell our friends and family that we love them too. What if you never see that person again? I didn’t know I would never talk to my son again when we meaninglessly said those words to each other. Tell everyone what you want to say to them now because you never know how much your words will mean later.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your son but I’m glad your dad was able to verbalize that he loved you 🖤
Thank you, Alexis. I am thrilled my dad said he loves me too. He turns 70 this month.
I think there is a generation that was taught that it isn’t manly to share your feelings. The emphasis was put on being a good provider. I am happy you talked to your dad about how you felt and that he was able to understand what your family needed.
These days “I love you” is so overused that it has lost a lot of it’s meaning. Personally, I reserve it only for those that I truly love and it is never said without meaning.
Both such a sad and happy story! Sorry for your loss! Amazing your Dad said what I am sure he has felt but could never quite verbalize it!
Joanne, I am delighted to hear him say those words to me, even though it took a terrible circumstance to make it happen.
I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Saying I love you means so much and can change your relationship for sure for the better. Glad your dad finally said it to you. What a special moment!
I will remember that moment forever, Jill. It changed my mom and sister’s life too.
The loss of a child is one of the hardest emotional issues for any parent… We share this and even 30 years later I still struggle. I’m so happy that you have had the connection with your Father to feel the love from him. Men of older generations are not taught the “I love you” connection because their fathers were not taught!
I’m so sorry for your loss. I guess I know, after hearing your words, that I will always struggle. I am trying to use my pain for good. For starters, I wrote my memoir “Gone in an Instant, Losing My Son, Loving His Killer,” which I will release later this year. I am starting to blog to help others too. God bless.
I am so sorry for your loss. I think your concluding paragraph says it all. You don’t want to wait to tell someone you love them which can make a difference in your outlook on disagreements with others too. I can’t imagine how you felt when your father said he loved you. I am so happy that you felt comforted by that!
Hi Darby. I am ecstatic that my dad finally told me he loves me. He is turning 70 this month. I always tell people I love them because I lost my first husband, my son’s dad, to a car accident in my 20’s. Then I lost my son 3 years ago. You just never know what will happen.
I am writing my memoir, which will be released later this year. It’s called “Gone in an Instant, Losing My Son, Loving His Killer.”
I am sorry for your loss. And thank you for turning your grief into such a great purpose. And yes love has to be verbalized as well as put into action. I love you is an important phrase in my household.
I’m glad to hear that. God bless.
I am so sorry for the pain you are suffering. But I want to say how I admire that through it all you are making God your centre. He will use your sorrow for beautiful things in life and your experience will change the lives of others. I pray He continues to guide you with his gentle and loving hand and that your words touch those around you and bless them richly
I am blogging about everything that happened and trying to help people. I am also releasing my memoir later this year. It’s called “Gone in an Instant, Losing My Son, Loving His Killer.”
Oh my goodness, Tammy. I felt the emotions in your blog. I never really get this feeling.
“I love you” are some of the most powerful words & can definitely change the vibration of every situation. I send you so much love & peace.❤️
Whitney, my dad turns 70 this year. I am so glad to hear those words finally. You never know when it is too late to say them.
Thanks for sharing this heartfelt outlook. They are powerful words and no matter what we think “we know” or feel through actions, those words are important too.
Amen!
My parents were born in 1904 so that is not something they said. It was not part of their training. It is wonderful that today people find it much easier to say those 3 words. My heart breaks for the loss of your son but at least you have that last positive memory.
I love that those were his last words to me. It gives me so much peace. I tell all of my son’s friends that I love them every time I see them. They are an important part of my life.
This is such an important reminder. I’m so sorry for your loss. I think it’s really important to show our loved ones how we feel about them.
Those 3 words are super important. Say them frequently and meaningfully daily to those you truly love!
Definitely, we all long to hear those words.
That you and your son exchanged “I love you” in your last conversation must be a comfort from this horrifying experience.
Tammy, I started a FB group for people in grief (I’m widowed), but it is not doing well at all – because it’s very difficult for me to engage. I’d love to turn it over to you to do with what you will, if you’d like. Otherwise, I plan to delete it. It’s https://www.facebook.com/groups/flyfreefromgrief/?ref=share
Suz, I left the link in your comment in case anyone wants to join. I will have to take some time and seriously consider your offer for the group. Are the people in the group helping each other? That is what a group is for.
I am currently finishing my memoir Gone in an Instant, Losing My Son, Loving His Killer while trying to build my platform. I currently work 15 hours each day. Feel free to email me at tammy@tammyhorvath.com.
I don’t know if you know this, but I lost my first husband when my son was only one year old; I was a widow for several years. I am now happily married, so there is hope. I do NOT struggle with saying anything about my feelings; I am an open book. Praying for you.
The group just has not gained traction. I can’t seem to get it over that hump to where there are enough different people posting or commenting, to the point where they feel comfortable with it.
I have put several posts in the group to see if we can pull people out of their shells. I think my comments should stir up some emotions, and I hope people will comment with what they are struggling with.
I don’t see a reason to delete the group. What would be the benefit? Does it take a lot of work to keep it? Do you feel like you are the only one to keep it going? Others should be sharing also. I need to wait and see if people comment or if they are just there to read. Is it Christian-based?
I am very sorry for the loss of your son. Having two of my own, I can’t imagine that pain. I can, however, sympathize with the “I love you” situation. My mom was not the affectionate type, and it wasn’t until I was an adult, when my Dad started saying I love You. I can’t recall a time my mom has ever said it out loud. I always vowed that when I had kids of my own, it would be different. And I have followed through. I tell my kids multiple times per day… its the last thing I say before bed… when I get off the phone with them… and at random times during the day. And they have learned to do the same.
Marianne, that’s beautiful. I’m glad your past gave your children a happy life because they know they are loved. I feel it is one of the most important things you can do. Maybe your mom will say it someday soon. Does she know you long to hear her say I love you?
I’m so sorry for your loss. That’s devastating. And look at what your son’s life brought…restoration between you and your father. That’s amazing.
Thank you, Cindy. Definitely, something good came from something bad. God always uses our problems for our good. (Romans 8:28)
Amazing Chain of Action from God. Amazing the power of words. There are people who I would love to hear those words from. I can see it would change my life. My Dad and my Mom always told me they loved me. God told me he loved me one day, I will always remember that day. Thanks for your moving story.
I hope you hear those words from the people you hope to hear them from someday soon, Debbie.