What Five Things Challenge You The Most After Losing A Child? They all have to do with our five senses.
Seeing pictures challenge you after losing a child.
Five things challenge me the most after losing my child. Someone murdered my son when he was nineteen years old. Whenever I see a picture of my son, it stirs up many feelings in me, and it usually makes me cry. I cherish my memories, and I don’t want to stop thinking about him, but sometimes the pain is unbearable.
On my first Mother’s Day without my son, I put every photo I ever took of Luke in frames and hung them all over my walls. I cried so hard that I dripped tears all over the pictures.
I loved to watch Luke play with his cat, Kayley. That was always entertaining, and I have many photos of the two of them. Luke usually swung a string just out of her reach, and the cat would jump up trying to grab the string. Just as she put her paws on it, Luke pulled it away.
We spent hours making videos of him playing with his cat or making jokes. He was always laughing, and he liked to make everyone around him laugh too. He didn’t want anyone to feel sad.
After my son died, his cat got sick and died too. That was painful. I felt so empty. She was the one who kept me company, and I know she missed Luke also. When I look at the photos of them, I wish I could be with them. They are lucky that they are together, but they left me behind. So, I cry harder.
I wish I could go back in time and walk into the living room and see him watching tv or in the kitchen standing at the stove cooking a meal for me.
Tasting particular food may cause pain too.
Luke loved to cook. He made fried potatoes and raided my spice cupboard every time, experimenting with different flavors. My mouth was always on fire after eating them. He usually made me a virgin strawberry daiquiri with a banana in it to wash down the spices. When I eat food that tastes like the food Luke cooked for me, it triggers my emotions.
We found a recipe for Chili’s salsa, and Luke perfected the recipe to his liking. He usually had me buy him the ingredients so he could make it at least once a week. Every time I eat salsa, now that he is gone, I cry. It’s just one of the many things that I associate with belonging to my son.
It’s tough going to his favorite restaurants. Sometimes I order the food that he used to order so that I can feel close to him. I know he is with me in spirit, but I want to see him so bad that I will do anything to feel close to him.
Touching specific clothing challenges you after losing a child.
When I see an article of clothing that he used to wear, I remember all of the times I held him in my arms when he was wearing them. Luke always wore hoodies, even in the summer, and the cotton feel of them makes me cry. Sometimes I feel like his hoodie screams out to me to put it on, so I do.
Hearing your child’s voice is very painful.
Anytime I watch a video and hear his voice, it traumatizes me. But I can’t stop myself from listening to him because I miss him so bad. Everyone has a unique voice, and they say specific phrases that always make you think of them.
Luke always said the words “fair enough” to me after I said something to which he disagreed. That was his way of saying that I am entitled to my opinion.
Smelling certain things challenge you after losing a child.
I know my most problematic of the five sense triggers are smell, which brings out the worst in me. My son always wore Old Spice Aqua Reef scented deodorant. I still have it in my drawer. Whenever I miss Luke terribly, I get it out and smell it.
It takes me back in time, and if I close my eyes, I feel him there with me. I cry so hard that it makes me fall to my knees, but it is still better than the loss I feel since he is not here.
If I could talk to my son, what would I say?
Dear Luke, I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH!!! Even though it is unbearably painful, I love spending a little time with you. I hear your voice in my mind and videos, and I see your face in my dreams and pictures.
I will always choose the pain if it means I get to be with you again! When I allow myself to suffer by smelling your deodorant and accept that you are no longer on this earth, I allow myself to be with you through my memories, and this enables me to heal.
I remember how you loved everyone around you and always tried to make everyone smile with the jokes you told and the kindness you gave. I can’t escape the pain by choosing not to remember you, or I will deprive myself of every memory of you, from your first breath to your last heartbeat. So, I CHOOSE THE PAIN SO THAT I CAN KEEP YOU WITH ME, Luke Yuzwa until we meet again!!!!!!!
Tammy, I am truly sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story. I know that you son is sitting at the side of our Heavenly Father and they both there with you every day!
I have lost 4 babies through miscarriage and lost 1 the day after he was born, I like you have triggers and even 40 years later still cry for the loss of the babies and Son that I lost!❤
Holly, I am so sorry for all of your losses. There aren’t any words for all you’ve been through. You are a fighter to have gone through all of that. I can’t wait until we can see our loved ones again. May his kingdom come soon!
This sounds so difficult. It’s the world all around that brings back memories. I’m sure the sweet memories even cause heartache, and I’m so sorry that you or anyone has to go through that.
Thanks. I love the memories, though, because I want to keep my son alive in my heart. Without the pain, I lose my son, who lives in me.
Tammy, thank you for this honest post. My heart breaks for everything you have been through. At the same time, your grace and strength is an example to others. I will keep you in my thoughts on Mother’s Day.
Thank you. Mother’s Day is tough.
Thank you for sharing this. So sorry for the loss of your son. I’m sure he is looking down on you every day.
Thank you, Elaina. I talk to him all the time.
Hi Tammy, I’m so sorry for your loss. I actually fostered a little girl with health issues that took her life a few weeks before Mother’s Day back in 2013. She had lived with us for 7+ months, and, though I know it’s not the same as 19 years with your son, this post brought back so many emotions. Photographs of her and pieces of clothing still make me teary-eyed. I actually took one of her outfits and turned it into a teddy bear a few years back using an Etsy shop I found online. That bear sits prominently in our house. Mother’s Day is difficult, but I find Christmas to be the hardest. She loved everything about Christmas… the music, the lights, all of it. Jingle Bells gets me every time. So sorry for your loss, Tammy. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
That’s terrible, Alicia. I am so glad you prominently display the bear. That is a great tribute. I feel it’s important to remember the past so we can appreciate the future.
I can definitely relate to this one. All very true and very upsetting when they happen but completely inevitable. I often wish I had videos or recordings of my brother’s voice. I miss the way he said certain things and how he called my mom “mum”.
Sending you so much love and thank you again for sharing such a deep personal post. 🙏
Keirsten, I am so sorry about your brother. That is awful!!! I do not have many photos of my son and only about three sentences of his voice because he wouldn’t allow me to take pictures in the last five years of his life. I am so upset about that. But I am thankful I have the little that I do.
This must be one of the hardest trials a mother could go through. That feeling of loss is present all the time. I’m so sorry.
Thank you, Lisa. I am using it for God’s glory by sharing my experience with others in similar situations.
It must be so hard to face daily reminders of your son. So very sorry for your loss.
Thanks, Danielle. It is, but I would rather choose the pain and remember him than not have the pain and forget him.
I am so sorry for your loss and can’t imagine how unbelievably hard this has been for you 🖤
Alexis, thank you. God is using me to help others.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability so that it may help you heal while helping others along the way.
Thank you for your kind words, Kendra.
I’m so sorry for your loss. There are no words to explain the feelings. While my children are still alive, I lost them to their father through divorce. Even reading can trigger the feelings.
Cindy, I am so sorry. Hopefully, things change for you in the future. I believe God has control of everything, and it is all in his correct timing.
I can’t relate to losing a child you had with you, only one that I hadn’t met. Miscarriage is not fun, and I have a few triggers that remind me of that baby.
Marianne, I am so sorry. I know that is painful because several people have talked to me about miscarriages. My triggers are good because they remind me of the good times I had with my son, even though they are painful. I will always choose the pain if it means I get to spend time with my son, even if only in my mind.
Oh! My condolences Tammy. Can’t imagine what you’re going through. So sorry for your loss… Sorry, I couldn’t finish reading the post, it breaks my heart to hear things like this. I am praying for you so God could make your pain bearable so He would comfort you and share the burden of grief… Thank you for sharing your pain. I hope you feel better❤️
Larissa, thank you for your kind words. I am using my pain to help others. God has brought me through this for a specific purpose, and I must follow him and allow him to use me. Thank you for your prayers. I have written a book that I will be releasing soon that will help a lot of people.
Wow Tammy. I can’t imagine the vulnerability it took to share this post. I’m praying for you, especially with Mother’s Day coming up. My friend just lost her son in June. He was almost 3. And I know Mother’s Day will stir up so many feelings for her. Thank you for sharing your experience. God bless.
Chelsea that is terrible. I know your friend’s heart is breaking, and there aren’t any words you can say to take her pain away. Just be there for her.
So sorry about your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a child as I never hope to do so but my heart goes out to those who have experienced this
I can only imagine the pain that the senses bring up for you, on a daily basis. Thank you for being so vulnerable, this must have been so hard to write. And even harder to live through. Thinking of you and sending love.
Thank you, Kristin. I hope I can help other people struggling with loss.
I am so sorry for your loss! It’s been almost three years since my friend’s 13 year old son was killed and I hurt for her every time she feels those memories surge through. Thank you for your openness about something so very painful.
I am so sorry for your friend’s pain. I know you are a great friend because you feel her pain. Thank you for your kind words.
I can only imagine how hard the loss of a child is. I am so sorry for your loss.
The grace and honesty with which you write is very touching. I too am sorry for this devastating loss and the many things that trigger those difficult emotions. I send you love as you approach another Mother’s Day without your baby. I believe he will be with you though.
Thank you, Emi. For his last birthday, I bought him a birthday cake and ate it for him.
our bodies hold sensory memories, and certainly with the tragic experiences you’ve endured i can see where there would be many triggers.
This made me cry 🙁 I am so sorry for your loss, but your words are helping others going through loss and that is lovely
Thank you, Sydney.
The sense of smell has always been a memory trigger for me. I haven’t lost a child, but I have lost people who I loved dearly. I have found that as time goes by, those memories start to become more fond than painful. I hope that you can get there sooner than later.
I cannot imagine what you are going through. I have had my share of losses, most recently my cat of 16 years, but not the lost of my child. Your senses bring back memories seeing, hearing and smelling all help in healing.
I know exactly what you mean about sensory triggers. I completely agree. Prayers sent your way for your continual cope with this loss. Your heart will always hurt, but it’s how you channel that hurt that matters and you are channeling it to do many pro-active helpful things for others. Keep up the good work!
So sorry for your devastating loss, sending you so much love and prayers .
I imagine so many things trigger sorrow or profound loss right now. I also hope some things also trigger joyful memories.